paging dr. house

so I recently went as hugh laurie from the tv show House for halloween. and I had to grow my beard out for the costume. now I used to love this. I loved having the facial hair and not tucking my shirt in (just like dr. house) and wearing jeans to work. but trying to get into the role this year was more difficult than I had planned. I've been tucking in my shirt, shaving my once beloved beard and wearing slacks for so long that I just felt, uncomfortable. I don't like outside forces shaping me. I realize this happens all the time due to sensor bombardment from media, friends, family, and many other unavoidable outside sources. but to have my job, specifically this job, affect me in such a way as to make me uncomfortable...that just made me, well, uncomfortable. I hate this job, I love being a slob, why is this suddenly an issue? I want to get back to being comfortable in the things that I am comfortable. and that may mean slippers and a rope for a few weeks, sorry honey. =]

views from the outside

I've never understood nascar fans. I believe that comes from the direct issue of my not understanding nascar itself. I have no doubt that what they do is very specialized and requires a talent of sorts. I just don't find it interesting. And because of that, I don't understand the people that watch it. This came across my thoughts while having dinner with Stacey's family. I mentioned that the new violent killing game that Matt and I are looking forward to would soon be coming out and the next thing I know half of dinner had past. And I felt bad that we had spent so much time talking about something that meant so very little to Jeff and especially Kendra. And I began to think about all the things I get enthusiastic about, and how much of a direct role I play in them. I love Bears football, the UFC, the Stargate series. However I don't want to be crushed by angry men, I don't want to be punched by angry men, and the number of planets I've been to still remains about average. As Stacey can attest, the sheer amount of time I've spent fixated on these things is quite disappointing. They don't hand out gold medals or doctorates for knowing the number of minutes and wormhole can stay open. How much energy instead could be directed at activities and things I am directly apart of? And what would the effect be in doing so? I aim to find out.

waiting

I've been doing alot of waiting lately. 'lately' in this instance encompasses the last three years. I've been earnestly waiting for better things to happen. but as many of us have come to realize, nothing just happens. I've been waiting most recently for January to rear its frozen ugly head. I already know deep down in my core that I will loath it more fiercely than I can imagine at this moment. January in the frozen cheese encrusted tundra that is my charming little town is nothing short of a struggle. Our adorable truck does not handle well in any other scenario than the delightful Arizona desert which we left, for some reason that seemed important at the time. With any luck we will be working 6 days a week for 12 hour shifts possibly through the night. leaving us with no other option than to sleep during the 3 brief hours of daylight. so this will be the outlet. the contact with the outside world and a brief timetable for me to look back on and appreciate where I am. I hope to simplify things. With any luck this will be a fair measure.

Nothing exists except atoms and empty space; everything else is opinion.  ~Democritus